Birthday

Its my birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! :) 24 years of God given grace. I thank God for all these years and hopefully for more years to come. This year, I'm sick on my birthday. Couldn't go for the much longed for seafood dinner that was planned the week before only for a stumbling block, in the form of me falling ill, stopped it from taking place today. Thankfully, it has been postponed to another time and I can't wait to taste the succulent flesh of crabs and prawns and all the sinful dishes!

I've been thinking much, for this birthday. Honestly, I am really thankful for all the wonderful wishes that have came pouring in since morning. But, deep in me, I'm sad. I believe God has put me through a humbling experience. Not that this is the first of such experiences, but I now know better how to react to His humbling of me. I guess it was something that was bound to happen sooner or later and I suppose I was half expecting for something to happen. But even with such a preemptive head start to brace myself, I'm still sad nevertheless.

Every year I'd make a wish before blowing the candle and, every year its the same wish. Wishes aside, I would wish that certain things stayed the same. Again, maybe I've got myself to blame. To have tried to attempt things based on my own wisdom and not leaning onto God for guidance. At times I did but, I should have done it each time instead. I guess, things will start to change more and that makes me more sad inside. There is nothing much I can do but pray God guards my heart and not let my emotions get the better of me. It's going to be difficult but God does not give us situations we cannot handle. But that does not mean we should handle it on our own. We have to handle it with God's guidance.

I know I'm not being specific here because, I do not want this to be a post about me ranting. Rather, about how we should try to deal with our emotions in trying times. Honestly, I'm still learning. Its tough but, I know God wouldn't want me to give up but to trust in Him more. I may not understand why He has allowed such incidents to repeat itself in my life thus far, but I know He has His reason and will reveal it to me soon enough.

In His grip & fervor,

Mark Kesavan